ENGLISH TRANSLATIONS (translated by author and Miss Ana Stanojevska)

Plastic attempt for a suicide

I want a new ass and new tits a new brain new me
while I am planning the perfect suicide
while I am installing theatrically
the misanscene of my future funeral
just to imagine hipper realistically the faces of everybody around
mourning after me
everybody around determining how genius poet
I used to be
all around actually crying over their own cowardliness
taking a box of pink pellets

I want a new ass and new tits a new brain new me
while I am postponing the night for my perfect suicide
while I am imagining theatrically my posthumous glory
just to meet my favorite patient tonight
who will find out in the next twenty four hours how realistically
he used to love me
and he will never try to satisfy another women

I want a new ass and new tits a new brain new me
while I am dazzling myself with the professionalism
of a make up stylist
while I am hiding the imperfectness
of my present body
just to over-drink vodka for the last time
with some accidental patient
who will read next morning how genius poet I used to be
and will start thinking realistically about the missed opportunity
for being my last




Obsession First


Your name begins with Dark
Darkness in your mouth
The skin like dark
Dateless trance
Who I am?
How much are you?
Both standing with silence
Frightened by Dark
By the letters in your name
By semantics their wild
Frightened by ourselves
By the passion in the names
By the nouns physical wild
That develops semantics in this time
Wild
Meaning for some life different
Scream in the dark
Wild



Dark

Stiffen palate
Palates before stiffening
Vibrators
Before drowsing
Green
Pink
Multicoloured
Trendy
and similar as the original
Fake
Everything is fake
The vibrators
The stiffen palates
The colors
The only real thing is the sugar candy or
The doughnut
Pink
Luxury
Desirable and irresistible
Maybe sweet
Viva la Fraud



Co-driver

My co-driver could be my concurrence
In any beauty competition
Your phallus erodes
The co-driver with every manner looks like antic sculpture
and my attempt to fit in your provincial life-style
Now seems funny
Now I am making stories about me and the co-driver
Now everything is different
Without feelings
Without fears
Without hopes
Only an enormous animal need to connect with the co-driver
to touch his veins
to feel his statuesque fingers
to get attention in his crotch

Whom do you travel with?




Strategies

From Monday to Friday
I contaminate myself in restrictive spaces
I eat genetically modified food
I loose sense for aesthetic
I drink more than an average Russian

Every Friday I decide that from tomorrow (from Saturday)
I will start the revolutionary diet
I will explore the untouched areas of the near mountain
I will write every day at least ten pages
most trivial dialogs

In Sunday I realize that it would be very clever
If I create my own web
If I start going on the weddings with my mum
If I become Serious Positive Kind Feminine Simple
If I earn the first million even though unsuccessful marriage

Every fucking week I fail with the plans from the weekend


ART

I do not leave the apartment for couple of days
I clean it exhaustive
and than I mess it
I eat scraps
Drink strange cocktails
I enlarge the dust heap
I talk to myself
First I am Juliette and than I am Romeo
The phone and the internet are disconnected long time ago
The TV set is my best friend
I watch channels forbidden for persons under 18
The door bell rings
I don’t even try to check who’s on the front door
It rains all the time
It rumble threatening
There is nobody on the streets
It is some holiday
Not for me




That night

While you were adoring me in another era while you were kneeling while you were simple while you used to know how to love while

When in some time happier than now when you used to know how to listen when you used to know how to recognize the denotations to predict the unseen arguments for happiness when

Had you lied to me unexplainable about the completed gaps in your existing about the deafness I can hear is screaming about the darkness I can see is shining Had you lied to me unexplainable with the voiced consonants with the screaming slices Had you



Midnight happenings


Heads Every night lots of heads
Dark heads
Empty
Undefined facial expressions
Monotonous
Dark heads placed one next to the other
Dark like soil Like anemic sky
Like un-blood water
The men are elevation handicapped
They believe in the power of the battery toys
Then at the toilet –ballerinas with batteries
Strange female persons
Inviting me to share the moment
To experience mutually a relief
It’s so funny from today’s perspective
But so irritating at the moment

Someone asks my cellular number
It is so cognizable and boring

My speeds are mixed

I only desire my mysterious on-line lovers




Me, You, The Earth


The earth cracks
lava in our city
in our darkness
in our shadows
Only ours
only me and you
We are noticing the removals
the processes
The cracks of the earth
we are registered in the earth we are sensing
we are in the cortex
we are earth
completely
only me you and the earth
in the chests
in the eyes
we are trembling
your eye only your quiet eye is not trembling
it is dramatizing the truth
or it is advertising
the eye the single only the one
while we are swinging
it is trembling into the earth
united
the cortex starts to tremble
the earth
the eye is quietly pointed on me
on me
only


EMTINESS


Istanbul is boiling
Istanbul is pouring from every stone
It had never poured like this in Skopje
Theater
Monodrama in a small hotel room
while homogenous Cyrillic letters
are pouring in my tensed vocal cords
while in my fingers is sinking that feeling
while Emptiness fluctuates slowly
Skopje is distant
Skopje is dry
I know from the net
You're distant
You’re without movements
Unreal
I know by remembering
Never so clear as now
Only a letter
Slot in the memory
Time - crack in the walls of Byzantium
It does not raining as in a movie here
It thunders without dramatization
The mosques scarily loud scream
Repeat terrifying all afternoon the terrible
letter of your name
As it is quite natural
As it is natural to feel so much Emptiness
because the facts of your life
your personal phobias
Frustration

Rotation
Movie set
The Sultan’s arches
The atrium The cisterns
Spinally rotate around their own axis
As it is politically correct
As it is ethically correct each word to contain
that letter with its own symmetry
Everything spins
Bosphorus rotates around its fourth letter
Magic
History in a cup of coffee
Even Bosporus is small to crush this feeling
This Emptiness
Smells of treason
On your first letter On you
Thousands Cyrillic letters
From the gutters
From the screaming minarets
From the head full of explosions
Fireworks Forms
Big Blue Unpredictable
As the wind As you
Bosporus bellow his fourth letter
scarily loud The bells blow
My Emptiness
Unremittingly is


CRAMP


We hide
Hide all
Dosing
Manipulating the information
Although we want
to live in a large aquarium
a la Facebook
To show everything
Each micro-pore of our faces
Our bodies
The beautiful and the ugly ones
Anything
To the bone
To be modern
Always cheerful
Transparent
Kinky
We all accept quasi friendships
Open relationships
Life a la Facebook
And we live in paranoia
In a metal bowl
Non –transparent

We install events Photos
Constantly
In cramp we are
Trapped
Eternally naked
Just ordinary people
With short-term memories


EVAS

This is a bad planet
With strong gravity
With dangerous formulas No concession
With Newton's laws that push us down
Towards filling the picture for us
Imagined
By our grandmothers
By our female neighbors
By our female teachers

Eve is lost
Eve is condemned
Nothing is according to Eve

The Evas cyclically conserve us
Preserve us
After the first scream
After the first tear
After the first step
They squeeze us in tightly dresses
Push rubber babies in our hands
Funny plastic female toys

Substance we are
In the hands of the mortal Evas
We are all Evas
Deathful
Sinful
Hormonal
Sexual

rushing early to nest in our tin
designed in advance
before birth
hermetically closed
fatally reinforced

The tins are heavy
Their mass
Multiplied by the Earth's acceleration
Is fatal

Every good action has a bad reaction

It is important to be as Eve
Because Evas we are
And Eve to become


ADVERTISING

On the other side of the reality
The world is dazzlingly white
The world is infinitely happy
Young slim people with perfect tans
Jumping
Tickling
Laughing
Singing
Do not get old
Do not get fat
Do not cry
Do not divorce
Do not suicide
The big box is great miracles
There is so little need
to be happy


GIRLS TROUBLES

Diets Calories
Protein
Citric Mediterranean
Antidepressants
Incentives
Solarium
Tool against wrinkles
Stretch marks
Heels
Bras
Depilation
Tighten skin
Silicone drops
For dry hair
Brittle nails
Pilates Fitness Yoga
Shine Créon
Diamonds Pearls
No drugs
No cigarettes
No alcohol
Moderate sex
Moderate Food
A lot of water
Up to 8 glasses per day
And only one carrot
For all female troubles


21st Century

TV channels broadcast cheap porns
Portals are full with tips for perfect sex
Sexy shops with
Sophisticated incentives
Flash toys
Everyone can buy and sell fantasy
Men prescribe themselves fantastic struggles
Women consume the real roles
Everybody read secret portals
Watch cheap porns
Everything is determined
With sparkles Shinny
Tested Offered
Just to swallow
As a small shinny pillet
21st century has shinny package for every occasion
Kama sutra is an ancient fad
Love is just a communist farce
Civilization begins with Paris Hilton




MY LIBRA

You and I in front of the Colоsseum in Roma
Your slender palm on Julia’s teat
The weddings of our fast friends
Birthdays Yours Mine
Beaches Parties
Drunk weeding guests Slimy men
Your warm letters from America
Full with metaphysical theories
Some kind of small women’s souvenirs
From every destination
Pictures Inscriptions
Objects and many memories
Walk through my bricks
Moving the foundation underneath my sheet
Your tailor tapping under the bed
The neighborhood cats are excitably mating
Something ‘s glimmering
Like your eyes during a metaphysical dispute
Fragments of moon are circling above my head
Metaphysical questions are tearing off my mind
Tears as a full moon
And
Spinal pain in the divot
Undefined divot

Your absent presence is killing me

My womb is ripping apart

Yowling like a cat before mating
Because I have no one

No one that much like You

No one as You

My Libra is gone
My daydreamer
My unpredictable Libra
Only the blue-sky barbell
Only the pan of doom
Tapping agitatedly
Diabolically

My womb is crying
My moon is yowling

As a person

I have no one
For a metaphysical dispute


MY DEAR DEADS


My story is smoldering
Babies are born with a cry
Did you ask yourself why are they not born with a smile?
The movies are full of death
Violent Pain
Blood in every scene
I’m obsessed with the ghosts of my Dear Deads
Why do I have Dear Deads as yet as now?
They come to my dream
Asking me to dance
Sometimes I make love with them
Is that bad?
The world is bleeding
In every scene
The babies are crying for being born
It’s disconsolately
The sobbing is smoldering
As an untold story
Waiting to shoot
To blast my Eye
So it can leak on my cheek
So It can shed on me
While I’m dancing
With my Dear Deads
Why do I have Dear Deads as yet as now?